Why I’m Single: Danger-Sized Package Tour Tee

Why I’m Single: Danger-Sized Package Tour Tee

(Adult Humor Graphic Shirt for People Who Aren’t Afraid of a Little Shockwave)

Some shirts whisper.
Some shirts shout.
This one causes property damage.

Legend says the first guy who wore this tee into a bar created a panic when three patrons ran for the exit, one fainted, and the bartender gave him drinks on the house “for public safety reasons.”

Doctors advised caution.
Lawyers advised helmets.
But you? You’re built different. You wear comedy like body armor.

Throw this thing on and watch crowds split like you just kicked open a backstage door at a Lizard Vigilante afterparty. It’s loud, it’s rude, it’s hilarious, and it’ll get you more attention than a guitar solo on fire.

Wear it if you dare.
Or gift it to the friend who absolutely should not have this kind of power.

Smack “Add To Cart” Before Someone Else Buys It And Blames You For Their Weekend Chaos.

🔥 BOLD SPECIFICATIONS (BUILT LIKE YOUR BEST JOKE) 🔥

• Material: Soft breathable premium cotton blend
• Fit: Unisex cut — men, women, anyone chaotic enough
• Print: High-definition adult humor graphic
• Comfort: Lightweight, smooth, all-day wearable
• Durability: Holds shape, resists fading, crack-resistant print
• Occasion: Parties, hangouts, pranks, gag gift battles
• Style Type: Casual, streetwear, comedy, punk/metal energy
• Care: Machine or hand wash cold, inside out
• Use Case: Conversation starter, shock value enhancer, confidence amplifier
• Sizing: Standard U.S. sizing (true to fit)
• Safety Warning: May cause uncontrollable laughter
• Guarantee: Protected by the Lizard Vigilante money-back guarantee
• Shipping: Always free shipping on every order

💀 WHY IT SELLS LIKE A METALHEAD MERCH BOOTH AT MIDNIGHT 💀

Because people crave funny shirts that hit harder than a bass drop.
Because adult humor moves units.
Because this tee has exactly the energy of someone who walks into a club, shrugs, and lets the shirt do the talking.