I Would Dropkick A Child For A Marlboro

I Would Dropkick A Child For A Marlboro

Some people crave peace.

Some crave meditation.
You crave nicotine-fueled war.

Witnesses say the last time someone took the last Marlboro in front of you, you didn’t argue — you squared up like a final boss in a Lizard Vigilante side mission, cracked your neck, and muttered:
“Guess I’m about to commit cardio.”

This shirt carries that same energy.
The energy of a person who’s one inconvenience away from dropkicking a child into low orbit for a red-and-white pack.

It’s raw.
It’s chaotic.
It’s stupidly funny.
And it makes strangers instantly understand you are NOT the one to test at a gas station counter.

Perfect for bar nights, garage hangs, biker meetups, or anywhere you want people to laugh nervously before offering you a light.

Add To Cart Before Someone Else Snags It And Becomes The Final Boss Of The Gas Station Instead Of You.

• Material: Premium soft cotton blend — smooth, breathable, perfect for everyday wear
• Fit: Unisex fit (S–XXL) — built for all shapes of chaos
• Print: High-definition heavy-duty joke graphic with crisp detail
• Vibe: Comedy, outlaw energy, punk/metal street style
• Durability: Fade-resistant inks, crack-resistant print
• Comfort: Lightweight feel for all-day or all-night mischief
• Ideal For: Parties, bars, biker runs, smoking areas, gag gifts, viral photos
• Care: Machine wash cold, inside out to preserve color and print
• Sizing: True-to-size unisex standard
• Warning: May attract smokers, rebels, and people who carry lighters
• Guarantee: Covered by the full Lizard Vigilante money-back guarantee
• Perk: Always free shipping on every order